Sloth Love

Do you love the Sloth? A site for Sloth lovers, by Sloth lovers; it's a pretty special thing. Whether two-toed or three-toed, you'll find them here in glorious technicolor! Give us some Sloth-Love!

Monday, November 07, 2005

Amazing Sloth Fact of the Day

As much as two thirds of a well-fed sloth's body-weight consists of the contents of its stomach.

Just amazing!

Friday, October 28, 2005

Check Out This Dude's Coat of Algae

This Sloth's fur is so matted with crap it's gone totally green (See Amazing Sloth Fact of the Day for explanation)

One website explains this 'Green Jacket' in more eloquent and poetic terms:

"Viewed up close, the sloth appears as a hallucination, an ecosystem unto itself that softly vibrates with hundreds of exoparasites"

It also goes on to say that "With its excruciatingly slow metabolism, the sloth defacates only once a week".


Troy the Magic Sloth and his Army of Fur-Pixies.

Back in the days of the ancient forests of South America, when humans were pigmies, tiger’s lived in huts and the streams that meandered through the jungles were crystal blue as mud was yet to be discovered, there lived many Sloths, some of them mighty and wise, big and ferocious like a fighter yet tender and gentle like a child. Back then before the Spanish invasion that saw the jungles be robbed of all it’s Flamenco, Sloth’s ruled the roost, hanging from trees, swaying the breeze, they had no need for knees and the jungle was theirs to do what they pleased. It was indeed a happy time for the race of Sloth’s that have since suffered at the hands of Americanisation.

The most prominent member of the Sloth’s was Three-Toed Troy. Troy was a Sloth of many years, a Sloth of particular interest and one, that for all the species’ traits as lazy, was a Sloth of particular activity and excitement. For whilst never in a position to be a leader of Sloth’s or indeed to sit within their council, Troy was always consulted in any tribal meetings as Troy contained on his person more than a healthy coat of fur. For what made Troy different, what made him special and what made Troy unique was that his coat was inhabited with pixies rather than bugs.

Troy had been born with a birth defect that meant that his toes didn’t appear on his hands until he was at least 10 months old, 9 months later than a normal Sloth’s growth. The effect of this shouldn’t have been to disastrous had it not been for Troy’s fall from his Mother’s breast. One windy day Troy lost his grip and fell to the ground, not from enough of a height to cause injury but the problem was that he had landed into a patch of magic mushrooms, so magic that all living creatures kept away. Troy, in shock, rolled around in the patch screaming for his mother whom rushed to the aid of her young son. However, when she had climbed down the tree Troy had been there for 2 days already and had got so hungry that he had no other option than to eat the mushrooms that lay sparkling around his crash-site. To her horror, Troy’s mother found Troy rolling around giggling, wide-eyed and at least 9% more alert than normal child Sloth’s! Troy was buzzing with excitement and uncontrollably talking about days of yonder. It was days later when Troy’s mum had returned the two of them to the tree that she did realise that not only had the mushroom affects appeared to be permanent but also that magic pixies had made their home in Troy’s fur!!!

Years passed with Troy always wondering why all the other Sloth’s were so different to him. Why did they not want to play ‘catch the coconut’ or ‘let’s all dress like monkeys and steal their banana’s’ with him? Why was he so excited by the vibrancy of the jungle, so lifted by the rhythm of the life that teamed in this vast eco-system when all the other Sloth’s were content to simply ‘chill’ the whole time. Years passed without answer’s, all the whilst Troy realising his uniqueness and then one day Troy proved his worth, for one day guess who came to town? You’re right – Bandy-Joe, the Elvis-Incarnate Smoking Moose.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Appeal to Stop Illegal Sloth Races

I would just like to take a few moments to heighten all sloth’s lovers knowledge of the illegal practice of Sloth Swimming Races. Now we all know how good sloth’s are at swimming but some people seem to think this is a green light to make money from this special talent. In swimming pools, rivers and other large expanses of water all over South America sloth’s are having their aquatic abilities violated by unscrupulous degenerates. Plucked from the rainforest at an early age they are kept as prisoners and forced to do up to 8 hours training a day in specially reinforced paddling pools. When they come of age, usually around 5, they are forced to compete in races with other similarly poorly treated sloths.
These races attract huge crowds and a lot of money is passed hands which the sloth never gets to see any of. A lot of the money made is used to fund drug and gun crime in the area. Don Paulo* the notorious head of the Paulo Mafioso family is said to have made a third of his fortune from sloth racing. Sometimes a very successful sloth is rewarded by being given termites which has a strange addictive quality to them and lead them to a downhill spiral where they swim for drugs, eventually dying of exhaustion because of the vicious cycle they have entered. Efforts have been made to stop these underground meets but most people are too scared to take any action because of the sheer amount of dangerous people that attend. When a sloth is rescued from this life it takes them a long time to recover as they have become too institutionalised into this way of existence. Some sloths have been known to escape rescue centres and have been found attempting to break into local swimming pools. In rare cases some have developed webbed claws (some think highly illegal genetic modification may have led to this) this renders them totally unable to hang from trees which is what sloths tend to do best. SLASSFOPTMLOMS (sloth lovers against sloths swimming for other people to make lots of money society) was set up in 1999 to try and put a stop to this terrible crime so pledge your support by wearing an algae green ribbon and telling your friends and family and together we can bring these rogues to justice!!
*Name changed so I don’t get killed.

I met a Potential Mate!

Hey, Slothy here! How do?

Just thought i'd let you know that whilst shopping the other day in Fulham Waitrose i bumped into this beauty at the cheese counter! What do you reckon? She photographs pretty well.

She's called Mercedes, and she's a glamour model, although this shot does make her look a bit like Michael J Fox when he was in Teenwolf - great movie by the way.

Anyway, i decided to go on a date with her later this week, so keep posted to Sloth Love to find out how it went! Any ideas on where to take her?

Laters, i'm off to clip my toe nails, all four of them.....

Monday, October 24, 2005

Amazing Sloth Fact of the Day

Sloths are particularly partial to nesting in the crowns of palm trees where they can camouflage as a coconut.

Now that is amazing.

Friday, October 21, 2005

Sloth:Hey You Guys!!

This handsome specimen is also known as Sloth, you may have seen him wandering around The Goondocks.

He loves Chunk.

However, despite his name he has nothing in common with the Sloths we like.

To be honest, he's not really that attractive.

Amazing Sloth Fact of the Day

In moist conditions a sloth's fur hosts two species of symbiotic blue-green algae, which provide camouflage and possibly extra nutrition, either licked directly from the fur or absorbed through the skin. Many wild sloths will actually look like they have green fur because of the algae.

Now isn't that just amazing?

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Send Us Your Sloth Love!

In order to make the world a better place we need you all to send us 'Sloth Love'!

Tell us why you love Sloths and you could win a real life Sloth of your own like the one to the right*!

*Pending us actually being able to source a Sloth, or eventually persuading Slothy to breed.

The Slow Loris: So Slow

We at 'Sloth Love' share the love with the Slow Loris.

Make sure you do too!

A plumper, shorter-limbed animal than its relative the Slender Loris, the Slow Loris is still totally cool.

They are pretty similar to the Sloth, in that it takes them about a year just to move their head or blink.

They are so SLOW!

But DO NOT mistake this slowness for pure and simple laziness! We all know that they could move quicker if they wanted...but why bother?!

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Meet Slothy!

Welcome friends to Sloth Love.

This here is Slothy, our pet Sloth. He is a two-toed variety and enjoys reading, cooking, maths and Starbucks.

We rescued him from a Costa Rican hill tribe who, we discovered, were forcing him to dance in a silly hat as part of their annual sun festival.

Although we were cursed by the tribe for snatching their festival mascot (i've since lost three fingers), we smuggled him back home to London where he now enjoys the city life.